Gruntilda Vs. Handsome Jack
Gruntilda Vs. Handsome Jack is the twenty-third installment of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles. It features Borderlands antagonist Handsome Jack against Banjo-Kazooie antagonist Gruntilda. It was released on August 16, 2014. Cast Johnny Navarro as Handsome Jack Toby Navarro as Gruntilda Tony Maier as Mumbo Jumbo (Cameo) Lyrics 'Handsome Jack:' Handsome Jack here, and let me tell you how it goes: I shoot my critics in the face; Badaboom, case closed. Amped stings like a Bee in a C.C. combo; No hag's gonna hurt the Hyperion honcho! You've got a cliffside in the shape of your prune–face, And a masochist hunchback stumped by a boulder. I've got Jackmore and an all–seeing moon–base; Razing bandit cities up from orbit with my mortars! No safe Haven; out for blood on your trail. Catch a train to Sanctuary, and I blow it off the rails! Yo, Blake, heads up: better fetch my violin; I'll be playing this squawker off, because the hero always wins! 'Gruntilda:' If you come up to my lair today, A big Nasty Surprise is surely headed your way; It's No Place for a Hero, nor a douchey Skag–licker. I'm a legendary giant; badass heavy–hitter! Lifetime prime rhymer, Rare rapper; tricky–dicky. Boss with a Boom Box; down for getting Jiggy–wiggy! I've got curses by the Vault–full to wreck your regime; Blow your 'bots to Nuts and Bolts and make Wilhelm Scream. (Aaaaaah!) Flush you down Loggo, grind your guts inside of Clanker; I'm chock–full of Moxxi, from my warts to my cankers! You're in Cloud Cuckooland to think you'll come out on top; I'd sooner count my eggs for solving Stop 'n' Swop! Now here's a fun little quiz; put your smarts to the test: Who's the witty, witchy, wicked wench you can't put to rest? That's me, Grunty: 'top my tragedy tower, Hailing fire from the peak upon this two–faced little coward! 'Handsome Jack:' You don't know Jack; better quit it with the gibbering: I'll have my girl Sheriff lynch your ass for verbal littering! I get the Sirens blaring with my Presence in a match; You're as full of hot air as that pathetic Mr. Patch! Think your googly–eyed goons are gonna get to this Invader? Watch me crack your stupid cactus; mighty like a Jinjonator. You'll crash and burn harder than Professor Nakayama; When you get to Hell, tell I said "hi" to grandmama. Own a Pandora's Box worth of gunrunning gear; Mutilate you like our preservation slagging "volunteers". Shake the floor's foundations; think construction engineers. Spitting out more gems than Butt Stallion's rear! I'm a god among men, and I Butcher with impunity, Spoon–scooping eyes out at every Opportunity; A sorcerer, a titan! Come and get me, giant witch; Moral of the story is, you're nothing but a total Bitch. *Gunshot* 'Gruntilda:' …How unbefitting! I've lost my precious skin, And yet the crone is still kicking; guess I got a Second Wind. Even prone to keeping at it from a shallow grave limbo; Now I'll see your fanny flattened like a house of grey Jinjos! It's on like Donkey Kong; I'm Overpowered to the limit. You're an egotist Goliath with the manhood of a midget! Call me Grunty the Invincible; no way you can beat me, And I'll wipe your saved game if you endeavor to cheat me! Handsome Jack: I'm not even gonna question how the hell you're still alive; It won't make a note of difference when my Warrior arrives! My majestic voice ECHOes from the Highlands to the Dust, With trespassers facing death by a Thousand Cuts. I boast bazillions of boomsticks; your broomstick's screwed. Serving prime rib rhymes; yours are stale fast food. Quit your Mumbo Jumbo–spewing, 'cause for all your Claptrap, You're outgunned by a bird in a bear's backpack! 'Gruntilda:' That's a dingy pot of disses you're unloading there, mister; Should've studied on my secrets with my goody–goody sister! I weld swell spells with all the power of a factory, Silencing a sucker like my family's anastrophe! You're headed for catastrophe; imperiled like a saucer, When I use you as a battery like your beloved daughter: Flip a switch, and your handsome looks are altogether slaughtered. Best Game Over ever; Grunty's looking rather hotter! 'Mumbo Jumbo:' Eekum Bokum, New-U is very good! Meet with Mumbo at my magic–making mountain, Grunty should. Poll Who won? Handsome Jack Gruntilda Trivia: Category:Moleman's Epic Rap Battles Category:Season 2 Category:Johnny Navarro Category:Toby Navarro Category:Tony Maier